Runaway.

It was 8:30 in the evening. I came home from the fallen world. Yes. You’re right what you’ve read. Fallen. Broken world. I feel devastated. Shattered heart. Crying heart. I lost something that I earned and treasured so many years. My heart is shouting ” I wanna run. I wanna escape.” Help me Lord. Sobering. Kneeling. Lamenting. A change of heart and mind, mostly the heart itself. How I miss my Father who loves a sinner like me, unconditionally. Our close bonded relationship. Our deepest conversation every night.

I’m not okay. It’s been a month of battling, of being independent with my selfish flesh, of asking for a rescue, of having a mind full of confusion, of being worry for and of being stressed and depressed.

“Lord, I don’t know but one thing I am sure of, You loved me so much that I am your precious daughter, valuable and I am bought with a price.”

The ROCKY ROAD of life.

Unsteady.

Pebbly.

Shaky.

Full of hazards.

Not smooth but has a coarse and irregular surface.

 Your life is on a rocky road. Bump! You are experiencing  a difficult and have a lot of problems. You are facing a tremendous break down from life.  When everything seems disheartening and you feel blue. When you want to be alone. Quiet. Serene. Just you, yourself alone. A time for yourself.

Yes, that’s ME.  I felt that these past few weeks.  I want to be far away from my hometown, alone. I want to eat in a restaurant, alone. I want to watch movie in a movie theater, alone. Guess what? I did. As I usually do.

I didn’t see life is unfair. Who am I to complain with this life He has given.

I really don’t know what’s happening. Chaotic mind.  Gaaah!

I have whys and wherefores to cry, I’m sure utmost of us do, but lately, tears just fall in the morning as I woke up and before going to sleep.. I really don’t know why. They fall no matter where I am, out of the blue. Pondering thoughts. Seeing faces of the people I love, my friends, I miss them a lot, we are busy in our own errands, no time to catch up.

Sobering and saying “Lord, nalulungkot ako, Payakap”

I welcome that feeling. I know that afterwards I will feel better, feel free, and feel peaceful.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  2 Corinthians 1: 3-4.

 Let your steadfast love comfort me  according to your promise to your servant. Psalm 119:76.

 

Infinitely More.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.- Ephesians 3:20.

Are you living your dream? We all had aspirations of becoming something at one point. Some of us are living it, some of us are working at it, but for many of us we stopped believing. After experiencing the reality of hurdles and failures, we started to think that we have our limitations. However, we must remember with God’s might power within us, we are able to do much more than we think alone!

The Sound of His and her heartbeat.

I encountered love. My heart does skip a beat

            When I was child, I adore looking at the sky wondering how this all creatures in the earth have made. My mind was full of astonishment and curiosity.  The plants that need water and sunlight to grow and be nourished by fertilizer. Why birds are chirping?  Why the grass green?  The woman’s womb and the fetus inside, the anatomy and physiology itself, even that thing. Huh. I want to know how the world works and why. Full of never-ending questions I was that needs an answer.  Am I the only inquisitive child during those days? I guess not, maybe you too.  I am astounded everything was perfectly created.

           As I was growing up, many questions are still unanswered.  I learned everything, the photosynthesis of the plants, my biology professor taught me and how the earth orbits the sun, my science professor imparted me. How the cycle of a fetus to a full grown newborn baby, my maternal and child in Nursing showed me when I was in my college years. But still science is not enough, it seems for me that I am looking for truth, something to believe in. I went to college, graduated with a Bachelor’s degree and a Registered Nurse. On my third year in my college years, something happened that my life turn to 180 degree. I was  mislaid. A hard-headed daughter who didn’t know how to supervene what my dad said and had an outrage behavior with my mom.  Someone is missing in my life. I am not contented. I am not happy. When you examine my heart, it is full of pent up bitterness, anger and pain. I want to forgive for those people who hurt me on the past but my heart is impoverished. My heart is cast downed. My heart is full of anguish. My heart is unforgivable. I want to surpass and get rid of all the pain in my heart but I don’t know how to do so. I used to drink alcohol for a couple of months. How my life become slightly mess.

Until One evening came, as I was walking alone on the hall of my College University, just studied in our library for a quiz hereafter, I saw my friend at the Chapel and asked “What was that?” People are happy, refreshing to see that smile in their face. My friend explained and I felt a bit anxious. Then, she got my contact number. Few weeks and months after, I became an active member of that organization.  Until flabbergasting day came, the Right One is moving with my life. August 28, 2011, the exact date when I said yes to Him. Yes, I accepted You. Yes, I will follow You. Yes, I will surrender all to You. Reading bible makes my questions answered. Everything in this earth, Our Creator is utterly and entirely was perfect made. Every day, I am praying to God, ‘change my heart, Father’. Embracing change is not easy. It takes time.

“Change is not an event with an exact start and stop point; it’s a process.”

I am living my life to the full . My anger turns to delight. My  sadness turns to jubilant. My  heart is full of brightness and joy. A loving daughter and sister now.   A woman always wearing a happy face.  A woman who doesn’t know how to be anger nor easily angered. A healed heart perhaps. A Christian, volunteer Pre-school teacher at Victory Batangas  and a disciple maker. My  life turns to 180 degrees but still much floss to be change in a process.

Now, I’m walking with The One in my journey,  growing my relationship with Him. I’m  hungry and thirsty with His love. I  wants to seek more of Him. I’m standing firm with my  faith. “Jesus found me. I fell in love. A new heart I have.  His words remind me how He loves me. I love Him, too. His wisdom.  His love. His unfailing l love.  As I’m waiting for my future love, I am maximizing the time to serve Him. He is the Only man who will  not leave me either hurt me. A man who will stay with me forever. I am a sinner but I’m forgiven. I’m not worthy but He loves me so much. I feel complete, happy, and contented.” aforementioned by the woman.

One Step Closer.

His word says it all.

His word says it all.

I woke up early not being my normal routine but because the rumors says today was the released of the board exam result. Before doing anything else, i first talked to God and i prayed regarding my board exam because i felt anxious but excited. I opened my bible, God said and revealed through the Book of Isaiah Chapter 12 that “Behold, God is my salvation; I will TRUST, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my STRENGTH and my song, and he has become my salvation.” With JOY you will draw water from the wells of salvation. And you will say in that day: “GIVE THANKS to the LORD, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the peoples, PROCLAIM that HIS NAME is EXALTED. Sing praises to the LORD, for HE HAS DONE GLORIOUSLY, let this be made known in all the earth. SHOUT, and SING for JOY inhabitant of Zion, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.” That was a sobering Word. I can’t expound what i felt when i was reading that verse. Tears welled up in my eyes. Put my hands to my face and started to cry and saying “Lord, whatever the result will be, if i pass, i will WORSHIP. If i fail, i still WORSHIP you. Thy will be done” Saktong sakto what i need to hear. God is like that. His timing is perfect. Its never late either too early. I waited for so long, i sacrificed, too many doubts and even anxiety i felt, the midnight sleep and conversation with Him whenever i feel tired, giving up and hopeless and the early rise in the morning. Every day, I’m doing my best and God is doing the rest.. Di ko kaya ng lahat ng ito eh. Pero all throughout this battle, GOD is with me, during the review, during the day of exam and after the exam. As I’m waiting and praying, God is working. I just waited. Waited for the perfect time. and EVERYTHING is WORTH IT.

             For those who didn’t make it. I don’t know your story but I want to share this message from the book i read “Began to thank Him and said” I don’t understand but I thank you,” I said. “I don’t understand, but I know You are good. I don’t understand, but I know You’re taking this away because GOD have something BETTER” God has a greater plan for you. God has reason of allowing things to happen. We may never understand His wisdom but we simply have to TRUST his will. Don’t lose hope. Don’t get discouraged. Sometimes, we feel nearly giving up during those despair times. Head up and look up. God never give up on us. Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen every day. Patience. God’s time is the best time. God loves you no matter what. His love for you never stops. He is GOD. At the right time, He will make it happen.

“You failed the test on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd round. God is preparing you for the next round. He’s with you all the way. Life is a daily battle to be with Christ!” – Teddy Corpuz.